Can you call Home, home again?

What an amazing opportunity I had this weekend!  To go visit our childhood home.  

A home that we moved into when I was entering 2nd grade and I where I would live until I moved in with and became Mrs. Larry Seiber :  )  

This day fell the day after Connie's 46th birthday and right on Moms 70th!  

Unfortunately Connie was suffering from a migraine and still in the hopes of seeing the house, she trudged onward.   She called Daddy and Trish and they were going to meet us at the house.  

*Note:  I had not said anything to Daddy about the house because I was unsure of how he would feel about visiting it.  (He sold it after the untimely death of our Stepmother and our brother Blake)  
.....I happened to be online the night it went into foreclosure and immediately was interested.

  

I'm interested in:  

1.) seeing it

2.)  possibly buying it

3.) more interested in living in it!  

....I have been in the market for a home for over a year...living in this apt since I came back from FL....

so I AM very interested in buying it for me!
so say you can never go home and while that may be true...
could God open the doors that I could to back to my home?  A home that held many precious memories of life and memories that  as a teenager, we're so grand!!  lol  

Really, I just wasn't sure how other would accept it.  

So.....Now I have EVERYBODY but Debbie here...

I see Daddy standing in the drive with his arms crossed....uggghhh, he is so hard to read sometimes!  lol

What does this mean?  We get out and he says, "Honey, this place is a mess".   My mind is in two modes:  okay, to Daddy, I'm sure it's a mess compared to the way he sold it....to me....is it a mess that can be fixed?  

Well....let's just say you decide based on the photos.

While the structure of the home itself is still very sound, everything else isn't.  The roof and CH/A unit are the same that were there when Daddy sold it over 10 years ago.  $$$

 KITCHEN:  ABOVE  These cabinets were one of the last big projects Daddy did.  I loved that you could see the old wallpaper and flooring from the 70's!   I HATED the filth!  Unbelievable!  How does someone leave a a tile back-splash this nasty?  Look at the shutters in the window...gross!!  

BEDROOM  FOUR:  BELOW   Ya gotta love the retro 70's light fixture!! It's amazing how some of these things are still there!  This was Connie's bedroom, then Blake's nursery when we welcomed him into our family in 1973! It later became our grandmothers room.   (No....we did not have it painted this color.  That seems to be the only common change throughout the house)

 MY OLD BEDROOM:  BEDROOM 3 was the place we discovered what happened to the family that had bought the home.  I couldn't believe a mother that is responsible for 5 children would write this on a door...well..what once was a door...The story is written and then drawn out.  I have mixed emotions on someone losing their home.  I cannot judge as I've not been in their shoes but ultimately isn't it that you cannot make the payments.  They owned the home less than 2 years and couldn't make the payments.  Just by doing some calculations in my mind it seems to me they may have over extended themselves...but again, I'm judging.  The thing is you buy a home,,,you're in it a little over a year, you must be - what???  3 or 4 notes behind before you get notice of foreclosure, and then you have like 60 days. I don't know all the wherefores and what's and who knows...someone could have fallen ill...I'm judging and I really, really DONT mean to!  I just found the note on the door very distasteful.

It was after viewing the home that Daddy spoke with a neighbor (same one who lived there when we were teens)  He shed a light on the "family" that lived there...so, well, they obviously didn't have the same cleaning and upkeep ideas as we do. I pray this family finds shelter that's what matters and since I started this adventure my thoughts have turned more from me getting into the house and more to their finding a place to live.  I don't know you family...but I pray you learn from this misfortune and that your children are able to grasp from you a very valuable lesson in ownership, and I don't just mean in a home.  Ownership in anything they do.  Responsibility.  Not faulting others for their dream not coming true.  Accepting responsibility and acknowledging failure or loss is the beginning to building a future, in my opinion.  And hence...since this is my blog I am entitled to my opinion.  :)

This was my Daddy and Pam's bedroom.  I can remember Daddy building this vanity for I believe it was Pam's birthday.  Wow...the years that I can recall her sitting and putting on her makeup, then combing out her short, deep rich, black hair before bedtime while using her Ponds cold cream on her face.  I can smell it now!  There was a small shelf that ran the length of the vanity at the back before someone covered it all in mirror and she had a small bottle of "Holy Water" from the Holy Lands that she would use sparingly for praying.  I remember her placing a dot of that water on my forehead and praying with me on our knees when in 1982 I found out I was pregnant.  She was so excited and scared for me.  I was unwed and although I was living with Big Larry she was my biggest supporter along with Debbie and Memaw!!!  My whole family supported me, let that be noted!!  They just opened their arms and loved me the more!

 I also recall the day they purchased their new king size bed and Daddy literally had to push us up on it.  What can I say...we're all short!  lol We watched Saturday morning cartoons all piled up in the bed with tickling and giggling (that's one of my very favorite all time childhood moments)

    ..................sorry..............my mind is running a million directions with memories right now!

 I sat on that bed along with Pam and asked my Daddy to escort me to my Senior Prom when I learned Big Larry was obligated to work out of town.  My Daddy said YES!!  Thanks Pam forever for suggesting I ask Daddy!!     My last vivid memory of this room was Debbie and I going through Pam's personal clothing, makeup, jewelry and her closet.  She had a collection of lapel flowers that she always wore as well as scarves and my.....they were full of her scent.  Her perfume lingered like that of the rose of Sharon on everything we touched.  Somehow in the midst of that difficult day we managed to find joy and hidden gifts she had purchased for each of us girls for Valentines day.  This room....as messy as it appears holds tears of love, joy, anger and mostly tears of admiration for a lady that gave so much to take on the responsibility of stepmom to three young girls and love us unconditionally! She always said she was "BLESSED"....no...we were the ones that were "BLESSED"!!

This room was originally Debbie's room.  One wall wallpapered with a collection of orange/white/yellow stripes. It was the "fad" at the time.  Debbie had our Mom and Dads first bedroom suite and a beautiful yellow bedspread.  Who knew what a comforter was back in the 70's?  That bedroom suite is not in the beautiful Mt. Top Lodge over in North Carolina and looks brand new!!   So many memories of my big sister sitting on her bed and folding paper gum wrappers to create a "rug".  Polishing our nails, listening to music, her sharing her clothes with me and especially her Adidas tennis shoes and her Candies!!  (I can share more but she reads these posts and it would interfere with our Christmas gift idea this year so....sorry Deb!!)

Later on after Blake came along Debbie moved into my bedroom.  Therefore making Connie and I roommates in this room.  It was hell from Connie's point of view!  LOL   We actually took masking tape and placed it along the carpet to keep each other on their half during one of our arguments!!  She was such a tomboy and not that I was a sassy, prissy girl but she hated my makeup and my posters of Donny Osmond, Sylvester Stallone and Leif Garrett!  She actually took her GI Joe's and beheaded my barbies!  ohhhhh the days of sharing a room!!  It sounds like we hated each other which is quite the contrary, we just didn't see things the same!  We did outgrow our frin-emy stage!  

Sorry...didn't mean to load these out of order.  As I look at the carpet and walls this is the part of me that finds me feeling no sympathy towards the ones that lost this home.  How, How in the world can someone disrespect something so much by treating it this way?  What are these parents teaching their kids?  Seriously this is beyond sad for personal reasons...this angers me to think this is WHY kids today DO NOT APPRECIATE what's given to them and then you have the parents BLAMING the Bank.  REALLY??  How or what are you teaching your children by allowing them to draw continuously on walls, eat, drink, urinate and punch holes in what is suppose to be your home? These are the kids that are later convicted of crimes and the parents take no responsibility.  PEOPLE....OUR KIDS WATCH EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING WE DO AND SAY...THEY MIMIC OUR ACTIONS!   Don't expect your child to growup and be a working, contributing member of society if this is the way you are raising them.  To destroy, disrespect and not take responsibility!!!!  geesh....(stepping back down off soapbox, again)

Daddy's little bathroom that he totally remodeled with the exception of the flooring.  We called it Daddy's Library!  just saying....

This was the hallway bathroom.  The one the guest and we kids used.  I can remember my Daddy building the cabinets above the toilet.  I can also.....this is a good one....remember Connie and I listening to Pam and my Dad through the a/c vent above the tub when they would go into their bathroom to discuss things!!!  The secrets out!!!  haha!! 

The kitchen / den combination where so many hours of homework were done.  Countless hours around the table having family pow-wows, learning to cook, bake, cutting my finger so deep once cutting potatoes that I slid down the corner of the sink.  Pam took me to the ER for stitches and never once scolded me just told me that when it healed she'd show me how to do it a different way next time.   When we first moved into this home there was a bar and behind the bar the wallpaper was "recipes" of how to make multiple mix drinks.  I remember Daddy having the Aunts and Uncles over to play cards all the time and he'd give us kids a "virgin drink".  My Daddy enjoyed a nice drink from time to time but to drink on any kind of regular basis, never.  I think his example is how, where I learned to enjoy a nice glass of wine or bottle of beer.  He was setting an example and even as a child I remember watching them all enjoy each others company and filling our home with laughter during these get-togethers!  Family was and has always been important to my Daddy and I'm glad he taught us the importance of togetherness with extended family.


The first people that purchased the home from daddy installed this fireplace/stove as this is where our big "Zenith" first color console use to sit.  HA HA!  The french doors were once painted white.  Pam and Daddy striipped them and stained them.  These led to what was "the playroom or greenhouse" before Daddy was inspired to turn it into a sewing/washing room for Pam.   This back door took many knocks from our neighborhood friends!!  Betsy, Cynthia, Tim, Blake (Betsy brother), Beth, Valentina, Lenora, Mrs MaryLou and Mr. Bill and our first "black friend, Pamela"   Living in what was an all white neighborhood and having the new black family become friends had it's challenges.  I'm thankful Pam never saw color and taught us the same!  The Bosticks encountered some hard times and, well, it didn't help when their teenage son decided to rebel....the point is we lived in an age of prejudice and every family had their own thoughts, values and moral ideas of how to deal with it.  Pamela was a good good friend to Connie and I've often thought of her over the years!  ...oh wow...this list could continue!  I've always loved that saying, "Backdoor friends are best".

The garage here holds lot of sweet moments that I got to spend with my Daddy.  Learning how to build just about anything.  His teaching me to use a band-saw, scroll-saw, jigsaw, sander, router and especially my airbrush and pin-stripping kit!  One Christmas we built solid pine trash bins, potato bins and frames for photos.  I even learned to shoot a bow and arrow and a pellet gun out here!   My kitten once climbed the brick wall side of the garage.  Well outside of my reach,  I was assured she would "land on all four" when she finally decided to come down.  Little life lessons for this girl taught by my Daddy.  We also had the ugliest dog named "Pick-a-nune" who was scared of everything and everyone....and one day our Mom and Grandmother drove us to pick up a Belgian German Shepard named Duke and he became the family pet forever and Connie's best friend for life!!   I honestly think the entire neighborhood knew Duke.  This was before there were "leash laws" in effect much less enforced!   My point being this garage held many playdates with cousins during the summer when it was only a patio.  Later it was where you'd find my dad after church and on any Saturday afternoon.  Working on a new project or exchanging projects with one of several neighbors!  Fond warm memories in a 2 car garage!

This is all original to the Living room.  Daddy had this insert removed from an old paint building in downtown Nashville.  We use to swear this is how Santa entered our home on Christmas Eve.  We use to sing at the top of our lungs from 8tracks (yes...8 tracks).  We would listen to Guess Who before they became The Who.  Our cousin gave us this 8track and we hid it from the parents and only played it when they were gone!  We also listened to the Bee Gees and many others while singing into our hairbrushes and dancing on the marble in front of the mirror.  The hallway door use to have "swinging bar doors" and we would make our great entrance down the hall and begin our songs.  Oh my..what childhood fun times I am reliving from a simple walk-through of my childhood home.   See...even in the midst of a mess...one can find joy and happiness!  This walls were a home to me.  A place of security.  A place where I tried my parents rules and learned many lessons.  A place that houses emotions, scars, tears and joyful moments.  Okay...so maybe you can't go back home in some sense....but I have the freedom in my heart and mind to go back anytime and relish in those years.  I'm thankful for my days of reminiscing!  I'm more thankful for a house that was built of walls and beams but a home it became made from fun and dreams!  It's in Gods hands if it works out that I should be so lucky to ever own this home and take pride in rebuilding it the way my Daddy's hands taught me to do.  What a sweet, sweet dream this would be for me to call home, home again!

So in lieu of the 4th event at The Christian Olympics here is my video.  

The challenge was:
 To write a worry on  piece of paper.
  Then destroy it.
Follow that by sharing a dream.
Video them and share.

As I was completing this event I was learning that my trials in life are like that "worry".  

While I may give it to God in prayer.  I don't destroy it.  I have a tendency to keep pulling it back and trying to "fix" it myself.  How can we expect God to be in control if we don't relinquish fully our cares to Him?   

In the future I am going to crumple, stomp, eat, burn, run over and yep...even flush away my troubles once I have asked God to take control.  He is officially going to be the pilot!!  

This also reminded me that when our problems get in our way we run to God, quickly!
How often do we run to him when seeking our dreams?  

  When facing triumph, victory or  when planning and dreaming of a lifelong goal we forget to give God the praise and glory.  We seem to think we can do it on our own.  Don't get me wrong.  I am guilty of praying and seeking Gods direction but again...I try to do it on my own wayyyy too many times.  

God is our greatest supporter!  He rallies for us to win!!  He finds joy in us reaching our goal! 

I wonder....

If God had a Customer Service Department how many more complaints He receives than  compliments!?     

Cast your worry, your problems all your troubles over to the Lord and destroy all thoughts of them.
as the saying goes:
 
Write your worries in the sand
Your dreams in stone!  

Goodnight to all you athletes!!

Peace lies within

Today I was contacted by a gentleman with findagrave.com. I am a new member to this volunteer organization. I may have written earlier how I became involved with the group but in a nutshell it came out of my photography web blog. A few years ago while living in New Orleans I came across an old military cemetery. It was while in that cemetery I became intrigued with its history as there were so many men from Tennessee buried their. I also didn't understand the reverse colors on what I always knew to be the confederate flag.

 I then traveled to a more famous, historical part of downtown New Orleans and began photographing the crypts there. I was amazed at how much damaged had been caused over the years from the weather, especially hurricane Katrina, to the monuments. Most all of these are above ground and I guess it's safe to say more than on half of all of them have very, very significant damage.

Cemetery's are peaceful, very peaceful actually. It broke my heart to see the conditions of all these memorials where people "lay to rest". I've also had some very close times with my Savior while walking through many of what I call "gardens of life" although it's a place of death.  ....if only they could tell their tales.  Then I think what their impression of today's world would  be,  and I feel ashamed.   

Well, after some time photographing a lot of these I felt urged to publish a few. It goes to say I've had different reactions as some people don't find the peace that I do in cemetery's.

..........anyway.............

I met an individual yesterday while photographing in one cemetery. I seriously had sweat dripping from my face after having spent well over two hours shooting virtually every stone there. It was so hot and my brain kept telling me to head back to the car..but something just kept calling me to stay and photograph the memorials people had brought and lay in memory of their loved one. There were all sorts of things in this private, on a hill, family site. It was well groomed and showed age from the mid 1800's. There were recent services as late as 2010 by the inscriptions on the headstones. I was taken by the articles that people left and that were inscribed ... one must have loved fishing as much as my boys do for his headstone was not only in the shape of a bass jumping out of the water, it also had the nickname of "fisher" and an etching of a catfish on it. Several had live flowers that had struggled to stay alive due to  the long drought we have suffered.  Some had artificial flowers that were vibrant in colors....made me wonder that the person being honored must have been very "colorful". There was a cigarette lighter laying gently atop one with a rebel flag engraved on it, as well as a rebel flag deeply embedded in the soil next to it. It's tarnished edges and fading showed it had been there for sometime. There were several babies with lambs lying around their headstone with "Baby".

In fact one family had 5 plots and each simply read "Baby Burnett" followed by the final one that read "Baby Michael". As my eyes followed the trail of their path it ended with Mom and Dads. Mom surrendering her life in the act of childbirth as well. My emotions pooling in the corner of my eyes. The father shortly thereafter. My nursing background made me think of colera or yellow fever due to the year.  

 It was then that I noticed all the angels. Not that I hadn't noticed them before it's just that I'm telling you they shouted out, SEE US?? I did see them, in fact, I saw more than I realized at first glance. Maybe I hadn't noticed them all on my first walk through. They were everywhere. It seemed they appeared at the base of some headstones and I would have bet and hour earlier they were not there. It didn't take me long to become obsessed with catching them in the lens of my camera. Angels that were white, angels with dirt on their wings, angels tangled up that when untangled became a porcelain windchime. Remembering how dripping wet from heat I am, a sudden whisper of wind thanked me by offering a melodious song by the chorus of tiny angels. then off alone sat a concrete angel. I thought for an instant about Martina McBrides song. But, my mind quickly changed gears and I was in a moment of praise.
"I come to the garden alone...while the dew is still on the roses, and the voice I hear calling in my ear, The song of God discloses. And He walks with me and He talks with me.... and He tells me I am His own....and the joy we share as we tarry there, none other has ever known.
He speaks and the sound of His voice is so sweet the birds hush their singing... And He walks with me and He talks with me.... and He tells me I am His own....and the joy we share as we tarry there, none other has ever known."

what a blessing to be in this moment...away from the world....caught up in the beauty of death, life after death.  Eternal life in Jesus.  

needless to say I spent over an hour photographing these angels . It's then that I heard the sound of a car in the distance. I turned to see a man, standing, watching me. I gathered myself from the grass as I was oddly positioned when he began walking towards me asking me "Did you know her? Are you family?" I replied, "oh, no, I was just taking photos of her angels" It was then that I learned the "rest of the story" ...

Dear Lord, If I forgot to tell you today let me say it now.  I am so grateful...so very grateful to be in your loving care.  Thank you for speaking to me in the wind, in nature.  Thank you for making me "weird" to others, but "by your design".  It's moments like today I feel close to everything in life.  I know we're all created differently and thats what makes the world colorful and full of action.  I only wish others could feel what it is inside me that gets my emotions flowing.  My words don't seem to be flowing today but you know what I trying to convey.  May others, in their own way, learn to hear, see and feel your presence all around them.  May they grow to know that you are all around them and only a whisper away when trials arrive.  May you bless those that read these words and may something speak to them.  Maybe when they see the  next sunrise, or sunset they'll take just a moment to close their eyes and think of you...and THANK YOU.  

How, When, Where do you blog Dear Blogger?

Recently my blogging has been completed in the wee hours of the morning with my son's laptop sitting in my lap, in my bed. That is why it's called a laptop, right?! 

For the life of me sitting in front of my desktop to write just doesn't happen. If I am creating a digital image, art or something on one of the many drawing programs I have then, for some reason, I can sit there for hours! However...The creative juices just do not flow when I am in that computer chair, uncomfortable and I need words. I know...I'm weird!

Last night, for the third night in a row, sleep would not come. Period. I'm not complaining because I do enjoy the writing and updating on my blog when the house is quite and no one is stirring. Yet - on the other hand, if I don't get some sleep I am never, never, never going to get these dark circles under my eyes to brighten up!!

My bedroom, specifically my bed, is my haven. My estuary. I know, I know it's not a body of water but I feel comfortable here. Like the lower end of a river, quite, alone and offering all I need from its surroundings. You don't like that? Okay, let me try something else......Lets see....it's my retreat? No, that sounds like I rush to get there...that's not quite right.   My bed is where I feel most comfortable physically when doing certain tasks like reading, cross-stitching, gaming so it is my sanctum!!! yeah, that's it!! My sanctum. PG Note: If I had a husband I'd call it my sanctuary and I guarantee I wouldn't be writing and sewing..(clearing throat) LOL

Wow...how did I wander off in that direction?? I just know that when my son is out (which is 80% of the time, he is 24) and my granddaughter has left for the day, the rest of the house seems lonely, empty, void. I don't like it. That's when I retreat back to my sanctum and I write.

Just curious...I blog and blog away, however, I don't "publish" all that I blog. Sometimes just typing out what is in my mind is like having a pros and cons list.  I wonder if other Bloggers do this? Do you create articles and just keep it under your posts' list?  I may go a few days without publishing a post but it doesn't mean I've not written one.  Hard to believe I know... but... every article I write isn't always beaming with smiles, dandelions and the scent of honeysuckle! ☺  

So my questions are

• Where are you when you write? (I know your're at the computer silly)
• Do you seem to have a certain time of day when you are more creative?
• Once you begin your writing do you find your thoughts wandering or are you focused? 
• Is blogging personal or more of a task you feel obligated to complete?
• Does your day dictate your writing?
• Are you a self taught blogger or have you attended a conference?  
• Do you host ads on your site and if so do you you find it to be profitable? 
• Are you a "bed blogger" like myself? 
• How did you get followers and does that really matter?  

I'm just being me...curious.   

  okay, okay,  guess I've been nosy enough, I've got a lot more questions but I'll chill as my kids say!   haha!   Time to lay my head down and try to nap for a bit!

My First "Movie" if you will....

This is my first attempt at creating a simple video.  I would love your thoughts.  I used all sorts of edits and only one piece of music.  Need editing!  Email me or comment below.  Be honest as I have several I am wanting to create and need feedback!

I was without power for several hours and this is what I came up with!  lol   Thank goodness for battery backups!

Family Mission Statement

The mission of this dwelling is to ensure a welcoming refuge through God's love.  

To nurture the the mind, body and spirit of all who enter.

To deliver a learning atmosphere, using creativeness, originality and Gods word as our guide. 

 To offer an organized, simple environment

to family and guest alike where they feel welcomed and loved.   

    

I wrote this mission statement in January 2011 upon moving into my present home with my son.  The last six months Satan has tried to enter this home in many ways.  I am laying down the law.  War has been declared.  Satan you will not win!  

As much as I absolutely enjoy the company of my son and his living at home.  We have recently both learned a lot about each other.  He is gentle and easy to accept blame.  I am rough, to the point and set in my ways.  I admire the way he takes up for his girlfriend when things go awry.  It's cute and reminds me so much of his dad.  I dislike several things that have taken place and have tried on two encounters to directly approach this.  In my days of being raised, and days of  raising my own kids, having a sit-down conversation was how this was discussed.  It's obvious in today's world it seriously goes in one ear and out the other. Young adults just do not get the message when spelled out.  

Without spilling family trials of learning to "relive" in the same household. 

 I am praying that these trials will soon be approached, acknowledged and attacked. I pray too that God give me a sense of peace as we learn to work together.  These are not trials that would hinder our relationship but they do tend to cause hurt, distrust and a lack of respect.  We all know that this is how Satan sneaks in, therefore causing a ruckus in the home.      

Whew, I didn't realize how just typing that in small, times font, would lift that from my chest. 

 It's as if my prayer is now an "open prayer."  

I don't feel comfortable sharing with family as I should be able to handle these trails on my own.  However it wasn't until today that I realized, Satan does not have privy to any other part of my life and this is how he has chosen to rear his ugly head.  So Satan, get your hands, your ugly hands off my son.  I rebuke you in the name of Jesus Christ.  You may have found your loophole to sleaze through.  It's  now in my face and you are not welcomed here. 

Please pray for the well-being of our home.        

Conversation with my son

It's Saturday, no, It's Sunday 12:50am and I'm so wide awake!  urgggg   

Mr. Bret decided to stay at a friends house tonight.  Odd.  I've only known him to stay at 3 friends homes during/since high-school.  Jeff, J.T. and Bobby's.  He's always here and Miss Tink, his girlfriend comes over during the week occasionally so him telling me he was staying at Brandon's was just odd.   

It was funny last night we were chatting and somehow the subject of me dating came up.  Out of the blue he said, "Mother, I never said you couldn't have a boyfriend."    Where did that come from?  It reminded me of the most recent card he gave me.   I will share it at the end of this post.   He was quite creative in choosing this card as it had a sewing machine on it.  My most recent projects have been with my new sewing machine.   On the inside was written, "Mother, You don't need need a man in your life when you have a son as awesome as me!"    I think I'm just now beginning to see that my little boy is taking care of me in his own way!  Sometimes I think he feels obligated to keep living with me.   I hope that is not the case.  We have a great relationship.  It has had a few growing pains.  He went into the Marine Corp a fairly organized man and came home a slob!  It drives me nuts!!  Bret's response is always, "Mother, close the door and I'll clean it up."  By the end of the week I bravely open his door and proceed to strip the bed, color pile the clothes and vacuum.  Two hours later I feel so accomplished.  Bret always thanks me and scolds me.  Most recently he told me I needed a life if I had time to organize  his closet.  Which brings me back to the whole, "Dating comment."   

Me?  date?  again?  urggg.  I would rather skin chickens than go dating and I never skin chickens!  There are some things in life I pay more for a organic, skinned chicken is one!!!  eck....

On the positive side,  I absolutely do believe that God is going to send the right man to me.  Period.  Just like that.  No work on my end.  It's just going to happen.  I'm going to be in church and he's going to hear my angelic voice singing and know I'm the one!  BAHAHAHAHAHA    

No my next husband is actually going to run into me in the grocery store.  Remember that great holiday song, "Met my old lover in the grocery store...the snow was falling Christmas Eve..."   well in my world the song ends with him never letting me go!  ---okay, maybe not.

With my luck I'll be the girl on the side of the road, broken down truck, hood raised, black engine markings all over my arms, sweating like a pig, hair under a ball-cap and in clothes that I'd never been seen.  He'll  pull up in a beautiful new Ford Explorer and rescue me!  :))  Now we're talking!!!   LOL  

This is one area of my life that I have absolutely NO desire to pursue.   Zilch.  Nada.  None.  I would love, love, love to be in love.  To share my life with my soul-mate.   Have my own "arm candy" to escort me to family get-togethers.   I have the energy physically.   It's just.... emotionally....  I just don't emotionally have the drive, the gusto, the oomph, the pep or the zing to do it!  

Is this DENIAL?  

Probably.  

since I've opened this subject...i'm gonna close my writing, 

turn off the lights

 and 

turn on my Nora Jones cd

sweet dreams

My first "Godwink" yep, that's a word!

Yesterday while on Mindbloom I ran across a picture uploaded by Crystal Gibson. However her picture had several beautiful cardinals sitting in the snow, not just one.  I don't like to post someones photo unless I have their permission so I went to Google.com and found one to show in order to tell this story.

  (truth is I have two on my phone from Debbie and one of my own somewhere among thousands of unorganized photos...) maybe I can add them later...

Anyway, when I saw the photo by Crystal, I was overwhelmed with emotion.  I never knew someone elses photograph could stir so many emotions in me!  Emotions of past events that I have not visited in while. It was a nice time to reflect on a time of growing that changed my life.  I really wanted to share this story with you all.  

photo by Jim Sabiston.  Courtesy of Google.com

Nineteen Ninety-Three.  Years ago, in the middle of February we lost our step-mother, brother and his girlfriend to a horrible car wreck.  I do not use the word accident because it was in no way an accident.  God knew that a young man, the same age as my brother,would recklessly run countless red lights while under the influence of alcohol before slamming his car into theirs.  Reckless, yes.  Accident, no.

  

The following days and weeks my sisters and I found an amazing strength to pull together for our Dad. We

had never endured anything of this magnitude as a family.  In  the months that followed we each had to make 

sense of this tragedy in our own way while hundreds of miles apart.

  

I struggled with "why."  Why would God allow the glue to our family to be snatched away from us.  Why would he take both she and our brother.  Why in the "retirement" season of their life would my Dad be left alone?  I just wanted to know WHY. 

Day after day while nursing at my job I would see many little things that reminded me of her.  It seemed 

like every patient named Pam or Blake was put in my care.  We missed the regular box of "goodies" she would send to the office.  At one point I felt so guilty for laughing, for having fun with my kids, guilty that someone who had lived her life so diligently for the Lord be taken away.  She didn't deserve this.  My brother would miss out on graduation, marriage and family.  WHY??

I felt so bad that my Dad was alone.  A house once full of 4 girls and one son, now, empty when he arrived 

home.  While my sisters were both great about calling my Dad and checking in on him...I felt a void.  What

would I say?  I cried at the sound of his voice.  My heart just felt as if I'd somehow lost my connection to him.  Over and over in my mind I recalled how my Daddy had to call each of us girls and tell us the tragic news that night.  How painful that must have been for him.  WHY was this laying so heavy on my mind? 

As Easter approached plans were made to have everyone back at Dads in Nashville.  I arrived a day early

so the kids could spend time with their fathers family.  Alone for a while, I decided to "take a ride" down memory lane.  Visit our first home, old schools, Belmont College and Dalewod, our grandmothers home church. It didn't take long for me to realize I was lost.  I needed to call my Dad for directions.  

After a few moments of explaining what I was doing, I now had all the details  to find one special house.  The house where most of my memories begin.  Memories of the first tick stuck deep in my skin, yuck! Special birthday parties for my sisters and I.  The house with the "field" behind it where we played.  The house where we watched the US Astronauts first walk on the moon! The house where my Dad learned photography and we learned how to play with glass clackers!  My most favorite memory of all, where my step-mother watched out the window as I learned to ride my bike.  I recall that day so vividly!  The house was next door to Valley View Baptist Church.  It had such a steep driveway and on that day I rode my bike up and down that hill countless times.  My older sister Debbie and her friend Jacqulyn cheering me on. 

  

As I turned the corner I saw the ever-so-familiar church marque.  I was home.  Home to some precious

memories.  I drove down the hill which, didn't seem as steep as I recalled.  Rolling down the windows I 

inhaled the scent of spring filling the air.  It was as if I could see myself riding that bike and Pams head,

shouting cheers out the window.  

So this is what they called, "going down memory lane."  Wow...it was overwhelming!  I could recall picking Pam an Iris from the churchs garden and being so proud when I presented it to her. I turned, looking for that garden.  It's then that I really noticed the churchs marque sign. 

There I stood, mouth open, tears flowing.  Happy. Sad. Disbelief.  Every emotion imaginable rushing through my veins.  From the moment I had heard the words, "Honey, Pam and Blake were killed"  I had prayed for a sign.  I had begged God.  Tell me, "Why?"  Show me Why.  I had made my prayer request so detailed that only God knew it and only God would be able to answer it.  I was arrogant by being so specific that I demanded He, "Put my name in lights" so I would know.   

Well....there on the Valley View Baptist Church marque was my anwer.  Not in bright, vegas style as I had

demanded but it was there.  My name, Bridgitte, misspelled, but that in itself is a family joke! It was 

and still is one of the most beautiful sights I have ever personally set my eyes on. I actually sped to the local store to grab a disposable camera and photograph that moment.  

That was the beginning of a long road of healing for me.  Healing that allowed me to move forward and grow in Christ. Healing that allowed me to not ask why any longer but to praise God that my step-mother had earned her reward.  She was home with her Heavenly Father.  She had retired.  She'd been allowed to take her only son with her as her reward.  By her decreasing, He increased in each of our lives.  In losing them we each found a new relationship with our Dad and with our Heavenly Father.  A tragic event led to countless celebrations of eternal salvation.  Lives lost meant lives saved!

  

The day of the wreck my parents had just installed a brand new front door for our step-mothers birthday.  It was "Fire-engine red."  They were riding in a red car.  My brother had joined the Red Cross that day as part of his Eagle Scouting. The Red Cross agent that interviewed Blake was one of the first responders on the scene. Red, the cardinal at the funeral, brilliant against the snow.

I will always believe that Pam, Blake and Keri entered the gates of heaven as they walked out that red door.  

Since that time we have been inundated with red cardnials tapping on our doors.  In Nashville, 

North Carolina and all the way to West Palm Beach.  We each have a story of how a cardinal has tirelessly,

repetitively tapped on our door or window to assure us all is well. 

Red. Red is the color of the blood that Jesus shed for you.   You've prayed specifically, you've asked why, you're mad and hurt over circumstances beyond your control.  Jesus knows your heart.  You are standing on your own steep hill, above you is your sign... open your eyes.  Listen,  He's knocking at your door.  

Miss you all!  

Bridgitte-

MINDBLOOM

MindBloom 

For those that aren't familiar with Mindbloom it is a new online life game.  It's still in its beta stage from what I understand and if you look them up on Facebook there are less than 3000 playing compared to the millions playing the ever famous Farmville, Cityville and Words with Friends game apps.  

   

Borrowing the words from their home page,   "Mindbloom:  Growing the life you want! A fun, simple and effective way to improve your quality of life.  Decide what's important.  Discover what motivates you.  Take meaningful action."   

My sister, Debbie, first shared Mindbloom in an email with me.  Her insurance company, Aetna had sent her information about it.  That in itself intrigued me!!   I quickly checked it out, created an account and began the task at hand.  Growing my own tree.   

 For a couple of days my tree sat in an open field with my sisters tree. Alone, just the two of us.  I checked out some of the actions on relationships, finances, career, spirituality, health and lifestyle.  After some time playing around with all the buttons I realized I could upload my favorite songs, a few pictures and in doing so I created my very own "Inspirational Player."  

What's an Inspirational Player?  It's like a slide-show you create with music, photos and quotes based on the branches of your tree.  It did take a little time to get around as I never saw any specific directions.  Someone that isn't web savvy could have trouble here.  However, In choosing these little actions I realized what I am actually doing is creating small tasks or "actions" as they call them.  Small daily task for me to act on.  Again, I emphasize small.    There is no reporting in to anyone.  It's up to me to help myself improve in areas of my life I believe necessary.  

Now, in doing actions you receive so many points for "rain" and for doing certain inspirational tasks you're awarded "sunshine."  Once the cloud and sun are full your tree is watered and the sun will shine brightly upon it, therefore helping it to grow.  It's a really neat idea!  I'm inspired by it!  It did take a couple of days to get the hang of it and understand some of the buttons.  To be quite honest I  figure out something new each time I sign on!  

My little tree now sits surrounded by several new friends that I'm learning a little bit about each day since joining the Christians Womens Affiliate.  We have a forest of friends now growing trees.  Today in fact I just realized you could play someone else's Inspirational Player!  It's neat to see what other women draw strength from.  To see what photos or quotes inspire them! Quite amazing the similarities.

 As part of the CWA, I'm enjoying a personal goal set for our group in a fun, Olympic type event. We even have a Coach, Coach Liz!!   Each day we are given an event to participate in.   Todays challenging event; Sing Praises Out-loud!  Yep, those around me just might need some ear plugs but this 2nd event is what led me to write this blog! So, before I go on about that let me encourage you to go visit Mindbloom.  Plant your own tree, add me as a friend and lets grow the life we want together, helping each other!  I'm listed as BridgitteSeiber.  

Now....

A few months back I blogged about my pain associated with my back as well as the leg pain that comes with Multiple Sclerosis.  To summarize, My neurologist sent me to a pain clinic to have a morphine pump installed or to see what other options we had to regulate my pain.   That physician  and I decided on the Spinal Cord Simulator.  It's a device that emits electrical impulses internally to the source of pain.  It was a remarkable day!  Almost instantly the pain was gone.  However I was told  it was possible to have zero pain after the surgery due to the anesthesia and pain meds.  Which turned out to be spot-on.  About 12 days into recovery I noticed little twinges of pain under the surface of the simulator.  Within a month the pain had gone from non-existence back to a lightly masked 9.  This doesn't mean the simulator wasn't successful.  It just isn't producing the full affect we had prayed for.    

Mid treatment my physician moved to North Carolina.  I was heartbroken!  It seemed I had found someone who understood and was willing to help!  In the meantime I was assigned to a Nurse Practitioner named Jay.  Jay was wonderful for prescribing me pain meds and after my asking he was able to give me spinal injections at one appointment.  He would spend all of 6 minutes with me.  Some people may have loved that but I am searching for a life long solution. 

 My back will be healed and I know that the Power of God can do this.  I  also believe that sometimes He uses the healing hands of physicians to reach that goal.  When I say I've tried it all that is no understatement.  At some point I was so frustrated with "Jay", that I didn't even blog about it any longer.  It was the same routine, every 29-30 days.  

One Tuesday morning my as I met with my  Home Health  we began chatting about my frustrations with pain management.  I  do not want to be a percentage of Americans on pain meds just because I can get them.  Don't get me wrong...I take them as prescribed and on brave days I try to go without any,  but,  then it ends up with me in bed for days recuperating from over doing it.  so..... Home Health made a few phone calls on my behalf and on my next visit I was introduced to Dr. Maze.  

OMG...from the moment Dr. Maze entered the room I had a feeling like none I'd experienced before.  Her direct eye contact, her gentle voice, and her faith in GOD radiated everywhere!!!  We sat, knee to knee and I told my "medical history".  In those first  three minutes I had blubbered out so much and so quickly.  I somehow managed to end it with "I know God can heal me"  and instantly we bonded. She instantly declared, "Yes, He can"!   In answering questions, somehow, the fact that I blogged and kept a journal about my pain came up.   She listened so tentatively that it actually AMAZEd me!  Not even my neurologist of 10 years had asked and listened like this in,  well...10 years!  I basically begged for more frequent trigger point injections along my thoracic spine as well as the lumbar area.  "No Problem, honey we can do that!"   Just the previous month I'd been told by Jay this could only be done 3 times a year.  

Well, I don't know who or what she's done but I'm now on my way to monthly injections!!  I just know these will help me reduce the amount of narcotics I have to take!!  I'm staying optimistic and truth be told I know Gods hands are all over this!!  He knows my heart.  He answers my cries.  He formed this body!  It's His to do His work.  There is times- I'm not going to lie that I feel useless in a sense.  Yet somehow I hear a song, read a page or see an AMAZE-ing sign that tells me I'm right where I belong and I snap out of it!

 I really beat myself up because I can't work at the present.  Then I think of the moments I would not have with my Jersey girl or any of my kids and grand-kids if I was nursing full-time!  So you see He confirms my worth to me in our own weird and unusual ways that I understand!   

Now I'm sure you're thinking:

1.  where is she going with this....

2. why is AMAZE in capital, bold, red letters...

and I have your answers

1.  where am I going with this....as I started this blog post about Mindbloom today it was really about the CWA group and our  "Olympic daily game".  

However, I had to give you the background of Mindbloom to;

 A) introduce you to Mindbloom

 and 

B) so you'd get the whole story which was todays event.  Singing and Praising God.

 As I sat in the lobby waiting,  a young woman sat in a wheelchair. Both of her legs gone. I smiled like most of us do. That polite, "Hi, how are you" type smile.  Minutes later I played the video of todays CWA Olympic Event.  When it finished she leaned over and said, "I know a great song".   I turned, not realizing she had paid attention.  She said, "Praise You In This Storm".    My comment was, "That sound familiar, who sings it?"  "Casting Crowns" she replys.  In my mind I'm trying to recall it just as she openly begins telling me the story of how she lost her legs.   

Friends, I listened to her story and I'm certain my facial expressions showed my reactions.  She smiled the entire time and in a moment, a split second of a moment, while I was pitying her I suddenly realized she's praising God for being alive...not seeking pity for what she had lost.  Our time ended as they called her name and for the life of me I can't remember it.  I will however always remember her tiny, delicate body and her arms working diligently as she rolled away with her back to me.   

I realized at that moment that several others had listened to our conversation.  I do believe we all said, "WOW" or something equivalent  at the same time. It was then that I decided to pull up that song on my ever-so-faithful "Google Nexus" phone.  It loaded and I recalled what she said, "When it says  'my heart is torn'  I replace the words with,  'my legs are torn'."   Well, my Google failed me.  It wasn't until I was in the room waiting on Dr. A. MAZE-ing that it loaded. She entered just as it began playing so I politely paused it. We proceeded with my injections.  Small talking and going over meds.  Before  I knew it I was in my truck headed home.

 The moment I was in my car I hit the play button and turned it up.  My drive home was full of tears and mixed emotions!  What a beautiful testimony she had just shared by giving me the name of this song!  Wow!  I have to wonder how many of those that overheard our conversation went home and inquired about the lyrics to this beautiful song.  How many lives did she touch this morning besides me?  

So, there I was, in tears, driving down I-40.  "I'm suppose to be singing a praise song," I said out-loud.   It's while I stated that I realized this was her praise song.  My mind began recalling what she had said.  This was the song that carried her while she lay injured,  in the dark, in the desert,  while working in Afghanistan.  She was miles from help and thousands of miles from home.  She turned inward and had found her strength from God and from her military experience.  The details she shared of how she mentally had to hold on until help arrived.  She described how she had to fight to live with the same courage she fought for her country.  The grueling specifics and cold hard truth about her condition.  Her body, gone from just below her hips.  

Today, my 2nd Olympic event was to Sing out Loud and Praise God. 

 Today, I stand in awe of the young warrior in a wheelchair.  I have my legs.  She helped me see how to praise God even in the middle of the cruelest of events.  She taught me how to Praise God and sing His praises without carrying a tune. She taught me you can sing His praises in the midst of total strangers. She also taught me that sometimes you are sharing Gods love by coming through the back door!   

I have been singing loudly, "Praise You In This Storm," all day.
and,  ironically enough,  today is our first day of storms and rain since this drought!  I had to smile to myself when the thunder made HIS presence known!  

oh....and why the AMAZE ?  My doctors name is Dr. Ambre Maze.  pretty A-MAZE-ing, eh?

so...without CWA, without Mindbloom, without my sister, without Coach Liz' event, this blog could not have existed ... 

Our God works in mysterious ways. 

How does God communicate to you?

How do you sing Gods Praises?

**************************
PRAISE YOU IN THE STORM
   

    

       

Popsicle

This past week has been unbearable with the heat reaching record highs!  

On these HOT summer days all I can think of is something frozen, something cold and frozen!!

We recently purchased some ice cream and as you can see below from a previous post it was quite a hit with Miss Jersey but it was also a mess! Her mess was created with a mini ice cream cone no taller than 4".  So....with wanting to splurge and get some icy treats I began my debate in front of the freezer at Krogers!   (note:  I never buy treats on a stick because they're just a temptation to me!!)  

Well, well....after comparing several brands and flavors I decided on an in-store special from Popsicle.  I was able to purchase 2 boxes totaling 38 Popsicle's for $4.00.  That's less than .11 cents each!  One box is regular size Popsicle's, 18 count,  in the flavor of Jolly Ranchers Candy.  The second box contains 20 mini, slow melt, fruit flavored Popsicle's.   

Oh my goodness...as much as I loved my first taste of a Popsicle in years and it being fully flavored by Jolly Ranchers I have to brag more about the "Mighty Mini's".  These little babies are the most remarkable, flavor-full Popsicle's I have ever tasted!  While their taste is wonderful I can't decide if my favorite feature is their size or the fact they are "slow melting."  They are about  4" in size and are absolutely perfect for a toddlers tiny hands!  I 'm going to step out and say that ours was "Non-melting" not just "slow-melting" and that was on a record high day here in Tennessee and we were outdoors!!

Non-melting or slow-melting,,either one is a great thing for anyone that has to do the clean up when it comes to the little ones!  

I was without a doubt amazed!  A lot of products carry "promises" on their packages and fail to live up to those words unless you're in a specific environment.  Well, Popsicle, I don't know where or how you tested your "slow melting" promise with your gelatin but it offers 100% of what it promises!  I'm sold!!  

Standing in front of the freezer trying to decide is now a thing of the past when it comes to a frozen, cold, tasty treat on a record breaking hot and humid day!!  Popsicle takes the stick!! 

I didn't receive anything free from Krogers or Popsicle to write this review! 

 This is 100% my opinion and I stick by it!  

Have a great day and go get yourself something cold to beat this heat!       

...stayin' cool, 

More of the Jersey Girl

Moments with Meme's Jersey Girl

Do you think she ever gets tired of Meme having the camera in her face?  The truth is she does.  She has 3 modes.  

1) she's hammin' it up for me 

2) she loves seeing herself in the lens and makes faces

or 

3) she simply places her hand in front of the lens and turns it downward!  lol  

she's all about being silly and striking a pose!  Silly girl!  

This series of pictures I had just tried braiding her hair.  It absolutely drives me nuts when it's hanging in her face!! lol!!  Meme loves sitting her on the sink and while she's brushing her teeth or making faces in the mirror,  I play with her hair.  She's incredibly patient with me too!

This is her saying "Hi" to my mom, Granni Bobbi!  

Now for her first time with an ice cream cone.  This is a miniature cone too!  If it had been a full size cone I do believe we would have been in the highchair or outdoors!

Nashville Fireworks Finale 2012

Here's the finale I promised!  It's a little over 4 minutes long!  I LOVE IT!

♫ Celebrate Good Times ♫

What an amazing and busy last week it has been!  Its been so hot here in Middle Tennessee that we've broken 4 all time records!  This is when I want to be 1000 miles away from the humidity of Tennessee!  It amazes me that I can be in Arizona or California with temperatures much higher than 109 and never experience any humidity!!  Anyway, needless to say it's been HOT!

photo courtesy of  WSMV, Channel 4 news

Our celebrations for July 4th started early.  On Sunday we had a swimming party & cookout at Dads.  Funny thing is that we've had a lot of parties at Daddy's but I can't remember one that had everyone, every single one of us in the pool!  It was the popular place for the day and the crazy thing is the pools temperature was up to 87!  Not so cool!  It was a great day with family! Here's a picture of my Dad with his "do-rag" on!  He reminded me of so many of my biker friends ! Isn't he just a handsome Daddy!  I think so! Funny how just placing a wet, cold bandana on your head can categorize you!  Odd thing is my Dad is not fond of motorcycles!  Yep, we're quite the opposite on that as I love riding!  
P.S.  My Dad doesn't make a habit of wearing these.  He had this one soaking wet to cool him off!
In all honesty my Dad is very specific about his hair!!

The heatwave has brought about all 95 counties having a firework ban.  I'm sure for the animals this is a good thing!!  However, I'm like a kid...I can stop right in my tracks just to watch a single firework fill up the sky!

 We have watched fireworks in our local communities and in downtown Nashville for years!  I love how we all rush to the local hotspot to claim our spot on the hillside and prepare to wait until the sounding of the first firework gets the crowds yelling!  See, I told  you it's the little things in life that bring me such joy!! 

So now...for my photos!!  You knew they were coming!  First I have to share two photos of the moon.  It was so full and so beautiful as it cast it's golden shimmer on the ground!  

ooops, I misspelled "it's"  .... and just realized it!!!  Gotta love spell-check!

Below are just a few I caught of the fireworks in our community

Now...for my favorite picture of all. 

 This one was taken by my son in law, Jamie. 

 He sent this to my email because he thought it looked like a dandelion!  

Way to go Jamie!!  You did good!!  : )  

That photo is awesome!!  All those little parachutes flying outward just like a dandelion!!  

I am so proud of the hard work our city does to make sure we all get to celebrate our freedom!  

My next post will be the amazing finale on youtube, it's 4 1/2 minutes of fantastic fireworks and it's only the finale!!  The actual show last over 25 minutes.  

The fourth found us cooking out at Stephanie and Jamie's.  Deer steaks, hotdogs and hamburgers!  This time everyone stayed indoors!  Still another scorcher as we enjoyed even more fireworks from the front porch. I got to enjoy ALL 4 of my granddaughters on the 4th too!  (not one picture...I forgot my camera!) 

Nashville Shores celebrated with fireworks several nights in a row so that everyone could enjoy the festivities. However, just as we were about to hop on the boat with Alyssa and Chad a horrible storm fired up right above us.  I don't know about you all but being in the water when lightening is striking all around is not my idea of a fun time!  So...we willingly gave up our last pyromania show!  Here's what God blessed us with just as the storm was presenting itself.  

Isn't it beautiful!  I hope you had a beautiful and wonderful celebration as we did for the 4th.  

I am so proud to live in a county where we have the freedom of speech, religion and so so much more!  I'm also quite certain I've taken that freedom for granted in the past and I'm sorry.  Having a child and others in the military that have fought for our freedom has made me very, very aware of how precious this gift is to all of us!  Our country was built off the word of God, based on the Bibles principals and we have made a mockery of our forefathers work.  May I never, never take my freedom in anyway for granted again!!  

In His Love,