Wednesday, November 30, 2011

My Baby Boy is a MAN! 

It's mind boggling when I think of my kids being grown! Especially my youngest son, Bret!  Today being his 24th birthday has brought me to tears.  Happy Tears!  : )   He has graduated high school, joined the USMC, served 3 tours in what we call "Afghan-land" and is now a working member of society.  

Funny thing is the other day we were chatting and he made mention of how old something was...from back in the 90's.  It was like a light turned on and his eyebrows did a sort of puzzled, quandary look and at that moment he had his first "AH HA MOMENT" from childhood.  It was cute to witness such a moment in my child's face! Then he realized all 4 nieces were born in the "two-thousands era".  He openly admitted he was getting old and didn't know where the time had gone.  

Bret is a quiet man.  In fact, as a child, he did not speak until he was 2!  Yes, that's right, 2!  He would mutter baby-like sounds and address his dad and I as "Mama" and "Dada" but as for speaking...he just had no part in it!  We had him tested for hearing loss, speech problems and even had a brain MRI.  Nothing ever showed a medical reason for his not being more vocal.  Our pediatrician suggested that we make him at least make a sound and not a grunt when he wanted something.  That instead of his older brother and sister catering to him that they also work in helping him talk.  Now trust me, at home we were already engaging our own techniques and tricks to get this child to speak but without success.  On his second birthday while changing his outfit, I found myself being mom and nibbling on those adorable little toes when to my wonder he clearly says, "NO BITE MY TOE MOMMY!"   The most perfect pronunciation of each word still lingers in my head!  I remember picking him up shouting and calling to his dad, HE SPOKE... HALLELUJAH, HE SPOKE!!! 

Some  say it was just a matter of time before Bret would have talked.  I was told we all spoke for him so he had no need to speak.  Well, whatever the reason I know his Dad and I prayed and prayed!  My step-mom prayed earnestly as well!  He was again living proof that the Lord indeed answers prayers!  

We pick and kid around with him about those years.   How the other kids have written in the family Bible their first word and he has a whole sentence!!  
So as the infamous old TV commercial use to say, "When E.F. Hutton speaks ~ People Listen. "  

The same goes for our birthday boy!  He had obviously had enough of Mom nibbling on his little toes!

Well, those toes aren't so little now.  He's a size 13 shoe! Bret is still a man of few words but says so much with his actions.  A kind, gentle and loving man he is and is still becoming!  He's a believer in our great country.  Our freedom.  A lover of elderly people and an incredible Uncle to four nieces who stand in amazement watching him.  He's a keeper of secrets.  A die-hard fisherman and sweet Godfather to Maddox and Payton.  Standing taller than any of us he's the spitting image of his dad and has more characteristics of his than I can count.  A former "Mr. Rock Springs" superlative as-well-as "Most Friendliest."  Which is really cool because we cherish his friendships as well!   He's been a "Best man" and "Groomsman" more times than I can remember which tells me he understands the importance of  those titles.  When he enlisted in the USMC it was nothing for him to graduate one of the top in his unit and to earn the highest marks in marksmanship given.  When asked for volunteers it was no surprise to know his hand was the first one up.  When on the football field or golf course it's great to see his good sportsmanship. may not speak a lot of words but your deeds speak for you!  I am oh so very proud of you!  You may keep growing up but as the saying goes, "You will always be my baby!"  
Happy Birthday Kiddo!!
I Thank God for you everyday!  
I love you!! 

Now CELEBRATE being 24!  


Saturday, November 26, 2011

Who Sat With You This Thanksgiving Day?

Who were you able to share your Thanksgiving meal with this season? 
 Did Christ sit at the head of your table?  
Was a place set for Him had His knock tapped upon your door? 
 Why would I ask this?

  Let me share a memory.

  I was around 8 when my Sunday School teacher specifically asked us how we would help those that had no place to eat on Thanksgiving Day.  If someone needed food would we feed them?  If a stranger knocked at your door would we help?  It's been over 30+ years and I can still hear Mrs Whitehead asking this.

 Well, as fate would have in the coming weeks I would be put to the test.  A young boy from the local Boys Club knocked on our front door late one afternoon. It was just getting dark and neither of my parents had made it home from work. 

 This boy, about 13, was selling candies, candles and coffee cups from an old ragged milk crate.  He also showed me a brochure with additional items and explained the money was for underprivileged kids.  I recall looking at a couple of the items rather quickly before he spoke up again.  

"Is your Mom home"?  "Can I come in to get warm?"   I have never forgotten his words or mine that followed.   I had to tell a lie and the words flowed as though they were rehearsed.   Well, in reality the lie was rehearsed.  It was the "safe white lie" we were allowed to say if our parents were not home.  "My mom can't come to the door right now" as I slightly pulled the screen-door back towards me.  For just a moment I was scared.  He looked hurt.  I felt horrible.  He was shaking from the cold.  I said goodbye and pulled the door close.  

 To this very moment I can remember how I felt sick to my stomach for lying but more so, for not letting him inside to get warm.  Would it really have hurt to just let him step inside? This feeling of dread began building in my chest.  It would not go away.  In my childish mind I just knew at that moment I had "Denied thy Father."  He had knocked but I did not let him in.  Yet, I had obeyed my parents.  This mix of emotions was overwhelming to me.  

The door was closed and locked.  I turned to walk away but something pulled me back to sneak a last peek at this poor weary soul.  Just as he was out of my sight I heard the rumbling sound of my step-moms Volkswagen.  Within a few seconds my mind wondered.  Do I tell her I opened the door?  Do I tell her I used the lie we had practiced?  Was I going to get in trouble?  

I chose not to say anything.  Dinner began with casual conversation then I heard Daddy ask if anyone had come over during the day?  I lied, again!  Ughhh!  There was that feeling of dread all over.  This aching was really gnawing at me and it was uncomfortable.  Dinner was over and we were doing the dishes when I finally just spurted out I needed to talk.  My eyes were filled with tears.  My heart was feeling very heavy.  I recall being so confused but knowing I had to tell the truth and make some sense of all this.  

My stepmom and I sat down on my bed and I unloaded the events of the afternoon.  While telling her how my heart hurt for that boy I began to feel my heart hurting for myself.  I wasn't going to heaven.  I had denied Jesus right there at my front door.  I had lied to my parents and covered it up with another lie. Confusing myself the more I talked.   

It was during that moment on my bed that I first learned about Gods love for me personally.  His never-ending love.  The fact that I had opened the door after dark and told "the lie" was quickly forgiven when the facts were discussed.  She explained how I honored them by repeating what they had said and by not allowing him indoors.  That by honoring them I was honoring God.  That He DID knock at my door and I turned Him away but with good cause. (repeat that last line out-loud) it seems I only heard the first part..
He DID knock and I turned Him away.  

Those words hurt so deeply.  They cut like a knife.  All the while mom continued to explain how a person changes when they ask Jesus into their heart. What you must do to ask Him to come inside.  How you chose to live by His commandments.   That those  feelings of dread would not be there unless I was ashamed of my actions.  It was then that I asked the Lord Jesus to come into my heart and to live.  To change me from the inside out.  To teach me to live for Him.  To learn at 8 years old how to obey The Ten Commandments.  It seemed like a simple task and well, I was certain  I could obey all the Commandments. 

So why would this stick with me for so many years?  Was that God teaching me a life lesson at this young age?   Was this my first moment experiencing the feeling of real conviction?  Yes!!  Yes, it was God teaching me!  Sometimes a child can learn much easier than an adult. Children hear the simple truth without complicating it.  I know that that feeling of dread was really a longing to serve Him.  To admit my sins, to ask forgiveness and to invite Him into my heart to live as my Heavenly Father forever.    

With the memory of that moment forever etched in my heart I believe that's why at times I know that I have been given the gift of service. To help others.  To live each day doing unto others as I would have them do to me. To open that door, To warm them. To give them a drink when what they are really longing for is a taste of living water. This too is why I believe God put me in the middle of our homeless community in Nashville, TN a few years back.  Oh now, don't get me wrong...He put me there to TEACH ME but to also share His love.  A place I would have never, ever thought I would end up. A place I learned to love where most everyone has nothing.  A place where some are so low and so down that eternity seems only a magical dream. A place where unlikely friendships brought me to my knees again at the age of 46. A place where I was THANKFUL for life, love, forgiveness and joy.  A true sense of peace, hope and joy! 

Each time I put my coat on at the onset of winter.  My mind thinks back to that young boy.  
How THANKFUL I am that he came to our door on a cold winters day. 
How THANKFUL I am to have felt the power of conviction.
How THANKFUL I am that others have welcomed me in.
How THANKFUL I am to have a warm home.

So yes, Christ is sitting at my table.  He is my welcomed guest at every meal, not just Thanksgiving. 

In His Love,

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Tuesday, November 22

Well I should have stayed up last night and continued to create because going to bed didn't provide any sleep! Don't you just hate it when your dragging physically but your brain is still going full-throttle!  I guess I should be glad the ole' brains a-working but even the greatest of minds need rest from time to time!  teehee~

I made it to my Doctors appointment and I have to say I'm somewhat discouraged.  Seems that I get less than five minutes for my visit and I just don't think this is right!  My "care-giver" is actually a Nurse Practitioner and I really like him but I'm aggravated that they continuously load him up with so many appointments.  Today he even apologized and said, "With the holiday they have triple and even quadruple booked us all today hon and it'll be 8pm before we get out, I apologize for rushing".  Well, shoot, not again!!  Now don't get me wrong I understand about people trying to get in before a holiday but seriously as a patient I'm entitled to my time. Right! (nodding my head in a confident manner)

Here's what today's visit consisted of.

I arrived at 7:40 for an 8:15 appointment.
About fifteen minutes later they ask for a urinalysis (this I wasn't prepared for but because it's pain management and people abuse it, I understand)  no big deal except I cannot pee on command.  ~ never have been able to.   My bladder and I have totally different opinions of when, how and where it is acceptable to tinkle.  Sure, get me to laughing and I'm guaranteed to feel a slight warm dribble if not more beginning to puddle on my "I THOUGHT I WAS OVER PADS" pad.

~Jay (my NP) calls my name. I step up on those dreaded scales and a sense of accomplishment comes over me when I see the numbers flashing back! : )   We walk into the exam room.  He ask me how the shots helped last month and I basically beg him for five more.  (I received five trigger point injection around the T-9 area on my last visit)  I can handle the discomfort of a needle anytime when I know the long term affect is AMAZING!  Keep in mind that I give myself injections three times a week for my Multiple Sclerosis, not to mention my B12 injections.
To my surprise and dislike he engages in a short conversation about being overbooked and me having to reschedule another appointment for the injections. Ughhhhh!  Really?  Within the next four minutes he uses his stylus to click, click, click and voila a prescription for pain medication is magically printed in the next room.  We politely exchange holiday wishes and I return to the waiting room to digest ounces and ounces of water and do what you do in a waiting room. Wait!
Forty-five minutes of chatting with other patients, playing with my smart~phone and catching up on a few emails and I feel that twinge, that long awaited urge. YipPEE!  The pee-pee comes and my cup runneth over.  It was welcomed by giggles and cheers from outside the door as a line had formed. Unfortunately blushing gave way to my poor face as I  exited and they say blushing is a virtue?
Again, I understand this is pain management...but the reason I'm here is to gain relief and not necessarily just from taking narcotics!!  Am I wrong?  I mean, I did have this spinal cord simulator installed down my spine to gain relief and relief it has given to some degree.  It isn't however relieving any of the pain in my legs, my heels or the middle part of my spine.  Now the lower part of my back is so, so much more tolerable than it has been in years!  So the last 3 visits I've had have been hurried, seriously hurried.  (on one visit all the patients from one city were being seen in this office due to a truck running through their building, so, again they were overbooked.  Really.)

I think I'm beginning to get a they think I want just the pain pills?
  Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I need to accept that I'm going to be on these forever or have to go back to the other plan of a morphine pump which I do NOT want. 
I'm confused because I don't feel I'm being heard although I'm clearly stating my needs. 
I'm frustrated because of time given at these appointments and because I don't want to be in pain.
I'm begging for something far less addictive yet not being allowed to receive it.
I'm thankful I do have medications to help but, even then sometimes the only thing that helps is total isolation from the world and 4 showers a day.
I know if you're reading this you're thinking, "Woman, what do you want?"  
I just want to be heard I guess and confirmation that this is either what I need or to be told this is all we can do.
...I dunno.  

Well, so far, pain-wise, this morning as been about a seven on the ol' pain threshold chart...but then again, I am on pain medications!  I am forever grateful that my Multiple Sclerosis hasn't taken a lot of my motor skills away like it has done to friends of mine. I'm thankful, very thankful that optic neuritis hasn't reared it's ugly head in a few months therefore allowing me this time to be in front of the computer!

 MS I can
I can walk ~ just not mountains any longer
I can see ~ with the use of my new trifocals
I can hear ~ the giggles of my granddaughters
I can touch ~ the tingles are a new sensation 
I can smell ~ scents of the seasons

I'm Miss MS and with MS I still can, only differently!

Now a stab at the humorous side of My MS....

MS I can
I can walk ~ I take many-a trips before the fall!  
I can see ~ Come closer,,,closer.
I can hear ~ Eh? just a little louder hon!
I can touch ~ It's guaranteed, I'll drop it! 
I can smell ~ Really, that's rotten? 

I'm Miss MS and with MS I can laugh doing it all!   

Happy Tuesday my friends. 
 May your day be blessed beyond imagination, beautiful beyond belief and full of His love 
~ for He is the one who gave us this day!  

just me, bri~
Monday, November 21

My first digital sticker is complete...but I've got all this extra border. Hum.......welp, it's 2:17am and I have an early MS appointment in the morning.  My brain is tired but wanting to create more!!!  This is so addictive!
Night all, sweetest of dreams~ bri

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Oh Where oh Where have the days gone?
Jersey is now 9 months old.  Oh my goodness...where has the time seriously gone?
I am so glad, no, no, no,  oh whats the word?   THRILLED! Yes thrilled  to have been with her these past 7 months since her Mommy went back to work.  Our days have been filled with flash cards, sign language, reading, videos, Bubble Guppies, Veggie Tales, music of all sorts and squeals of laughter!  What a joy it has been!!
She wants absolutely nothing to do with crawling...she wants to walk! She says "HI" on the phone in the cutest little raspy voice.  She has learned a few sign language signs and is beginning to use them.  She shakes that head from side to side so quickly to tell us "NO" and just today she started nodding, YES!  OMG, I just about fell over and wet my pants I laughed so hard!  I was able to get the video camera out and record for Mom and Dad.  She is something!!  She is Miss Independent already!  From the spoon to self-feeding, she wants to do it all! Today unfortunately was also the first accident! :(  Oh my~ I cried as much as she did!  In her attempting to be so independent she lost her grip and hit the coffee table.  As I picked her up I was expecting the worst.  However with a little cuddling and a cool cloth applied to her she quickly bounced back to her normal self.  I am in control yet freaking out that shes going to have a horrible bruise and wouldn't you know tomorrow is her 9month Dr's appointment!!  ugh!   Well, hours later and she's still not showing signs of a hematoma! (That just sounds more dramatic than bruise! lol)  
She is MeMes daily delight and I'm so honored that I've gotten to bond and share this one on one time with her these last 7 months!  More to come my Jersey~Girl!

She certainly is one cute little cupcake!

Friday, November 11, 2011

What is Spiritual Knowledge?

Spiritual knowledge comes from having and knowing Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior.  It is a deep yearning of His word and actions coming from what you learn.  I nor you can have spiritual knowledge based on someone else's spiritual journey.

      I personally believe that one must ask the Lord Jesus Christ into their heart.  To ask Him to forgive them of their past wrong-doings and to change themselves from the inside out by learning His Will for their life. From that point on ones Spiritual Journey begins and with daily studying you begin your library of Spiritual knowledge. 

     My daily walk is personal and often times challenging...but aren't the greatest things we work for usually the most rewarding?   I am so very THANKFUL to live where I can worship Jesus Christ in my heart publicly and willingly!!

Sunday, November 6, 2011

I've become a Pintrest-holic!!

Weekends are becoming very sacred to me.  You see I have Jersey-girl usually M-F and I'm at the Y after she goes home, so, my weekends have become my time to sneak and create while the kids aren't around!  lol!  I've created 6 fleece blankets, two hair-bow holders, 3 crayon canvas letters and the list is growing!!  Oh, and lets not forget the baby food jar Christmas trees that Steph and I worked on two nights this last week and the 5 sets of corn-hole boards Daddy and I have made!!   Whew...when I see it typed out in front of me I can see the progress I'm making!!
Seems everyone is really trying to get into the Spirit of Christmas by making homemade gifts this year and that's just so up my alley!!  For years I've been making homemade gifts but I'd also purchase the latest and greatest from the local retailers.  It's exciting to know that this holiday we will honor the true meaning of the Holidays without a bunch of retail hoop-la!  This is why I've become a Pintrest-holic and a blog walker!  SO much to find online!  Welp,,,I'm off to pick up some more Modge-podge and fleece fabric at Joanne's!
Happy crafting my friends!

Google malware manager