There was a knock at the door. I'm trying to put my hair up in a towel while shouting, "Just a minute." What a pleasant surprise! YOU~ The one man in the world who knows my faults and has seen me at my worst.
You step inside, wrap your arms around me so firmly and embrace me so tight that I didn't have a second to process one thought. Your scent and warmth are all I recall as you utter the words, "Bri, I'm just so lonely." Oh my goodness...in that split second my heart broke.. Words I would have never expected from you. As we proceed to have a seat you make a comment about the many times you've slept on this couch...we laugh and within a matter of moments your head is resting on my chest and you're holding my hand.
We sit without words for some time. We know each other all too well. This is what you needed. No questions. Just me, Bri~ being who I am with you and you...you, being who you are with me. If there is one thing I've learned over the decades of friendship with you it's when you want to let it out you will. Don't pressure you. Let you open up at your pace~ on Nantz-time.
I'm so sorry that you are going though this. I can promise it will get better and easier. It's almost like dealing with grief because you are missing a part of your existence that you've lived for 20+ years. Missing the "life" that was inside your home that is now gone. Learning how to really exist within four walls when the only sounds you have are from the television or a frequent visitor that may drop in. Preparing meals for one. Bathrooms at your beckon call. No more waiting... Realizing that it takes a week to fill the dishwasher so hand-washing is easier..
I'm so sorry. I know we've sent text, jokes, spoken on the phone, discussed the kids and mutual friends. We've even seen each other for short visits and grabbed a beer. I'm just so sorry that I did not realize that you were going through all this. I should have been able to pick up on it. I've been there...I know! I am so so sorry. Please accept my apology. You are the greatest man I know outside my Dad and Big George. They're family, they don't count...lol!
I wish there were words inside me that I could pen to tell you just how much having you in my life means to me. I've loved you for so long. A love so different than anything I've ever encountered. You are the real deal. No facades. I'm grateful for you being in my life and allowing me to be me. Thank you for being the you that I know tonight. By knocking on the door it confirms that you acknowledge how precious our relationship is. (Others may never understand it but that's okay) I will always be here, period as I know you will be.
This will pass. You will overcome and this emptiness will fade. Joy, laughter and great times will soon return. We are a rare breed my dear. Others see us as the ones that make them laugh and rejoice. We are caregivers. All too often these caregivers forget that they need to be cared for as well. You opened your heart in a special way and it did not go unseen. I love you dearly Wendell Nantz for being the greatest "boy" friend ever in this gals life. There I said it...and so openly this time!
My door is always open ... thank you for remembering!