Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Finding more than GOLD in the restroom!

It's official.  Pain management is a bunch of crap!  I arrive well before my 8:35 scheduled appointment and finally I am taken to the room at 9:40.  Now mind you all I have going today is my precious Jersey is coming over in the afternoon but really people an hour later??  The nurse asks why I'm there and I explain the details of this crazy blood pressure going from 202/160  and causing an ER visit which triggered yet another home health visit which brought me back to you guys...there...in a nutshell.  My blood pressure is 148/80.  Do-able after an hour of waiting.  oh...and my weight is down again!! yippee

35 minutes later after reading every wall poster, checking my email, playing on my phone ....the nurse practitioner walks in and asks why I'm here and I briefly explain and remind him too that he said he would be doing the trigger point injections again in my spine today.  He quickly but politely cuts me off and says we don't have prior-authorization.  Prior-Auth approval really?  We didn't go through any of this before and no one mentioned this had to be done....but...and a BIG  BUT HERE...he says I have a bigger problem.

On your last visit when you gave your peepee it shows you have no narcotics in your urine.  My mouth is gaping wide open at this point?  WHAT?  I was even in the ER the night before and was given MORPHINE and TORADOL by IV!    He states that this is a huge concern as it makes physicians wonder what the patients are doing with the medication.  Well, duh!?  This patient is eating them ( swallowing them actually...just a figure of speech as I've been on them FOREVER!!!)   My mind wonders if the Vesi-Care (incontinence med for Multiple Sclerosis) could cause this as we all remember how very long it took for me to pee the last time.  He says very politely it's not possible and their machines are never wrong!  Therefore in my opinion accusing me of NOT taking my meds.  Boy....if he only knew how I hate taking them and how 4 times a day is too much.....ugh.
I protest.  politely.  I offer to pee again.  He agrees.  He follows me and I begin the infamous chore of begging my bladder to produce...produce anything...ANYTHING!!

The water in the sink is running full force....my hand presses on my abdomen as if this is going to help force my urine to leave the warm nesting of my bladder and thrust it into my urethra therefore allowing me to hear the trickle of success as it hits the bottom of this really strange cup they've presented me with.  ugh....... at this point I now have my other elbow resting upon my leg in a sort of squatted position and I find myself praying.  Praying.  Yes praying!!  Praying and begging not just for the sweet scent of success in a cup but for justice...for God in His busy day to reach down and magically transform hope into urine as he did water into wine.  Then I'm feeling guilty.  Gods busy.  I know he listens and hears my every prayer but this is unfair...unjust...someone, anyone hear me..be on my side.  All I am truly after is relief from pain and this is crazy ridiculous, dumb crap I'm having to endure!!

~~ then....ever so gently I feel a calming...just a brief moment.  A feeling of not being alone but having someone at my side.  WE WILL PREVAIL comes into my head.  I can't help but have tears puddling in my eyes as I realize He is hearing me...He is here...and in that same moment, that very same moment I giggle inside.  I've asked my Lord and Savior for a lot of help and items but  I can't remember ever asking for his help in the Ladies room!!  That anxious feeling that was trying to irritate and rule over me was replaced by the warmth of success filling up a cup.

With my head held high I gladly surrender my goblet of goldeness! Jay and I return to the room where he examines this smaller than a golf ball size knot has taken up residence on my spine.  It's around the T-4, T-5 area.  Just under my last surgical scarring.  He is quick to "gasp" and says I need to immediately follow up with the surgeon as this is not normal.  There is a tap on the door and pretty pink post-it note is handed without words exchanged.  "Now, now, that's more like it, you are taking your meds."  There is a part of me that wants to shout hooray and another part that feels like rolling my eyes up!  Please understand that this is not a direct attack or anything personal against Jay...I like Jay...I just hate all this medical mumbo-jumbo that makes not one bit of sense!!  Its a waste of time and more-so of my insurance companies money!!

He has been told to bring me back in 5 weeks for 5 more trigger point injection shots and advises me this can be done 4 times a year. The funny and sad part about this is.....INSURANCE COMPANY: I'd much rather have these shots than ALL THIS ADDICTIVE MEDICATION IN MY BLOODSTREAM!  HELLO?????   Jay agrees to my comment and shakes his head in disbelief in what our insurance compaines allow and don't allow.  Absolutely crazy!  In the meantime he reorders the Soma (muscle relaxers) that I was able to get off without incident.  He does this has the muscles are soo tight and due to the fact that I'm having numerous muscle spams in my throat, neck and legs from the Multiple Sclerosis.  Fortunately this time it's not 4 a day I can take them as needed.

Lord, would you please allow the little people (the patients) to have their voices heard to this county of PHARMACEUTICAL COMPANIES and INSURANCE COMPANIES...oh and to the MULTITUDE OF LABS that are overcharging on incorrectly ran specimens on a daily basis!   Please, Please heal Dr. Devyani Sanders.  Bring her back to us.  I miss my homeopathic physician dearly!  P.S.  Thank you for interceding with me today.  I know the restroom and a public one at that is a strange place to call upon you for help.  I'm also sorry for pulling you away from other more important things like world peace, death, violence, war and the beautiful gift of life coming into the world but at the moment I really needed some assurance about all this pain-crap-garbage going on.  Thank you for loving me as difficult and strange as I am Lord.  Have a good rest of your day!

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