Tuesday, November 22

Good-morning.
Well I should have stayed up last night and continued to create because going to bed didn't provide any sleep! Don't you just hate it when your dragging physically but your brain is still going full-throttle!  I guess I should be glad the ole' brains a-working but even the greatest of minds need rest from time to time!  teehee~

I made it to my Doctors appointment and I have to say I'm somewhat discouraged.  Seems that I get less than five minutes for my visit and I just don't think this is right!  My "care-giver" is actually a Nurse Practitioner and I really like him but I'm aggravated that they continuously load him up with so many appointments.  Today he even apologized and said, "With the holiday they have triple and even quadruple booked us all today hon and it'll be 8pm before we get out, I apologize for rushing".  Well, shoot, not again!!  Now don't get me wrong I understand about people trying to get in before a holiday but seriously as a patient I'm entitled to my time. Right! (nodding my head in a confident manner)

Here's what today's visit consisted of.

I arrived at 7:40 for an 8:15 appointment.
About fifteen minutes later they ask for a urinalysis (this I wasn't prepared for but because it's pain management and people abuse it, I understand)  no big deal except I cannot pee on command.  ~ never have been able to.   My bladder and I have totally different opinions of when, how and where it is acceptable to tinkle.  Sure, get me to laughing and I'm guaranteed to feel a slight warm dribble if not more beginning to puddle on my "I THOUGHT I WAS OVER PADS" pad.

~Jay (my NP) calls my name. I step up on those dreaded scales and a sense of accomplishment comes over me when I see the numbers flashing back! : )   We walk into the exam room.  He ask me how the shots helped last month and I basically beg him for five more.  (I received five trigger point injection around the T-9 area on my last visit)  I can handle the discomfort of a needle anytime when I know the long term affect is AMAZING!  Keep in mind that I give myself injections three times a week for my Multiple Sclerosis, not to mention my B12 injections.
To my surprise and dislike he engages in a short conversation about being overbooked and me having to reschedule another appointment for the injections. Ughhhhh!  Really?  Within the next four minutes he uses his stylus to click, click, click and voila a prescription for pain medication is magically printed in the next room.  We politely exchange holiday wishes and I return to the waiting room to digest ounces and ounces of water and do what you do in a waiting room. Wait!
Forty-five minutes of chatting with other patients, playing with my smart~phone and catching up on a few emails and I feel that twinge, that long awaited urge. YipPEE!  The pee-pee comes and my cup runneth over.  It was welcomed by giggles and cheers from outside the door as a line had formed. Unfortunately blushing gave way to my poor face as I  exited and they say blushing is a virtue?
Again, I understand this is pain management...but the reason I'm here is to gain relief and not necessarily just from taking narcotics!!  Am I wrong?  I mean, I did have this spinal cord simulator installed down my spine to gain relief and relief it has given to some degree.  It isn't however relieving any of the pain in my legs, my heels or the middle part of my spine.  Now the lower part of my back is so, so much more tolerable than it has been in years!  So the last 3 visits I've had have been hurried, seriously hurried.  (on one visit all the patients from one city were being seen in this office due to a truck running through their building, so, again they were overbooked.  Really.)

I think I'm beginning to get a complex...do they think I want just the pain pills?

  Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I need to accept that I'm going to be on these forever or have to go back to the other plan of a morphine pump which I do NOT want. 

I'm confused because I don't feel I'm being heard although I'm clearly stating my needs. 

I'm frustrated because of time given at these appointments and because I don't want to be in pain.

I'm begging for something far less addictive yet not being allowed to receive it.

I'm thankful I do have medications to help but, even then sometimes the only thing that helps is total isolation from the world and 4 showers a day.

I know if you're reading this you're thinking, "Woman, what do you want?"  

I just want to be heard I guess and confirmation that this is either what I need or to be told this is all we can do.

...I dunno.  

Well, so far, pain-wise, this morning as been about a seven on the ol' pain threshold chart...but then again, I am on pain medications!  I am forever grateful that my Multiple Sclerosis hasn't taken a lot of my motor skills away like it has done to friends of mine. I'm thankful, very thankful that optic neuritis hasn't reared it's ugly head in a few months therefore allowing me this time to be in front of the computer!

 MS I can

I can walk ~ just not mountains any longer

I can see ~ with the use of my new trifocals

I can hear ~ the giggles of my granddaughters

I can touch ~ the tingles are a new sensation 

I can smell ~ scents of the seasons

I'm Miss MS and with MS I still can, only differently!

                                                                        Bri~

Now a stab at the humorous side of My MS....

MS I can

I can walk ~ I take many-a trips before the fall!  

I can see ~ Come closer,,,closer.

I can hear ~ Eh? just a little louder hon!

I can touch ~ It's guaranteed, I'll drop it! 

I can smell ~ Really, that's rotten? 

I'm Miss MS and with MS I can laugh doing it all!   

Happy Tuesday my friends. 

 May your day be blessed beyond imagination, beautiful beyond belief and full of His love 

~ for He is the one who gave us this day!  

just me, bri~